Archive for the sarcasm Category

GJK_June 12th, 2012

Posted in haiku, humor, New Poems, poems 2012, sarcasm with tags , , , , , on June 14, 2012 by GJK

i.

beef sizzles on grill

somnolent nose awakens—

pocketful of dimes

— 

           heralds hunger,

           jangles malaise.

 

— 

ii.

— 

cute dimples and eyes

will not convince me to spend

money i don’t have.

— 

           please stop trying,

           ms. ponytail…

 

— 

iii.

— 

blue sky burdens ire,

bombards gloom with happiness

and lightness of heart.

— 

           fuck you, sunshine!

           fuck fresh air, too…

 

 

—          

GJK

12JUN12

Advertisements

from GJK’s upcoming effort, WRIGHT THE BOOK, F***ER

Posted in best of GJK, sarcasm with tags , , , , , , , , , , , on March 13, 2012 by GJK

chapter eight

 

go into the spare room in your place

connect the power to the machine

connect the matrix to the machine

power it up and wait.  click the icon

labeled TYPEWRITER then walk away,

find yourself something, anything to drink.

roll a smoke.  sit back down at the machine

and tell me what’s on your mind, no matter

what it is, just type it.

write until it drives you crazy

go get a refill of whatever

smoke that smoke that you rolled

who knows how long ago.  smoke it as if

your life depends on it and get back

to the typer.  write more, write brilliantly,

write terribly, write until you hate it

completely.  make sure your work is saved

shut the shittin’ machine down

and forget that you even own

a computer.  don’t look at it again

until tomorrow, and tomorrow you will

pretend you have never written a thing

in your life, you will enter the room,

you will work your guts out

you will give yourself backaches

and soul-aches you never could have imagined

before this.  but you’ll keep doing it,

dogging along until you have a couple hundred

pages.  you’ll probably think it’s useless,

but it’s better than you could ever know.

you’re too close to it—

it’s your life and dreams on the page

so leave it to someone else for awhile.

a friend of yours will read it.

don’t you dare delete.  you wrote something

worth keeping, maybe even something worth

sharing with the world.  maybe even something

worth selling.  do all this and you will

be able to pretend that you are me, so

don’t do it.  your method, i’m sure,

is better than mine.

GJK

13MAR12

Krabbykott

Posted in prose, sarcasm with tags , , , on September 28, 2010 by GJK

PR Wars Continue Over Holiday Weekend

by gjk, 7 Sept. 2010; Marquette, MI –

Local U.P. mining company, Krabbykott, expressed concern over the Labor Day weekend that Bee-Pee, a foreign oil giant, is still monopolizing media coverage of global ecological disasters. A spokesperson for Krabbykott said on Saturday that “our company is doing everything it can to raise our profile from that of ‘an environmental nuisance’ to ‘truly mind-bogglingly-incompetent.’” When asked who Krabbykott considered to be their corporate role-model for such an up-tick in notoriety, the spokesperson responded by saying to this reporter, “Bee-Pee, obviously… those guys really know their way around a U-Toob channel and network news sound-bites, and they sure as shit got one hell-of-a chain of command. Boy, when they screw the pooch they sure go all the way!” (It should be mentioned here that Krabbykott has recently purchased stock in a Bee-Pee subsidiary that specializes in petroleum-based lubricants, whose motto is “GET CORN-HOLED WITH SLIP ‘N’ GLIDE, FOR THE PET LOVER IN YOUR LIFE.”) When prompted, the Krabbykott PR wizard could neither confirm nor deny whether or not corporate policies included such things as corn-holing, or being corn-holed, by ones pets.

what sarcasm is

Posted in humor, poems 2010, sarcasm with tags , , , , , , , , on September 6, 2010 by GJK

and what it isn’t.

first, don’t take it too seriously

but don’t forget that there is

a seed of truth

behind every

joke

and

a joke is

what sarcasm is.

what it isn’t

is

a good way to save the world

a good way to communicate with

family

elders

shrinks

doctors

clergy

philosophers

and anyone else

who doesn’t “get it” —

there you go, this is

a joke

too

this didactic-poemy

is just

is simple

is sarcasm

so don’t believe

a single word.

believe them all.

now, just who

is joking

with whom?

 

GJK 5SEP10

so what’s wrong with mania

Posted in for Blue Bike reading, humor, poems 2010, sarcasm with tags , , , , , , , , on July 26, 2010 by GJK
 

i stand in the driveway barefooted

smoking a cigarette

pale skin burned by the july sun.

an ant climbs my thigh

a horsefly tries to bore its way thru

the trashcan at the curb

and i have an idea

i have a thought.

it splits, twists, multiplies, fractures.

it wants to be chaos but it doesn’t have the steam.

first it whispers then begins to scream.

it is what a psychologist

or psychiatrist

or any other brand

of psycho

might call racing or intrusive thoughts

and though to me that sounds like something great-

something rare and valuable to be explored,

mined, marveled at and exploited-

to the psychos of the world

it sounds like a problem,

something to manage,

something to get a handle on

and shit!

something to medicate.

to those who might wish

to stifle these ecstasies

with rubber-stamped drugs

i say

back off motherfucker

i got this.

my cock

is bigger than yours

and my drugs are union-made in milwaukee

picked from guatemalan forests

cultivated in carolina

and grown by badass neo-tribalists

in colorado

so suck it

fuck it

roll up your diplomas

stack them in a pile

and set them aflame

as if you were

the inquisition

burning the heretic

that is your own

maniacal desire

to control

and to know.

the thought started with a horsefly

and a trashcan.

it ended with burning witches.

who in their right mind

would want to sully that

with something as perverse

as a prescription?

shrinks,

those silly bitches.

 

 

GJK

14JUL10