today

–

i found myself wandering around the house

looking for things to clean or arrange or improve somehow

i found myself burning sage in the basement

to purify that dank space

found myself eating mung beans with garlic and chili sauce

eating standing in the kitchen

straight from pan to mouth with the wooden spoon

that i used to prepare them

because why in the world would i make more dirty dishes

for myself to clean

i found myself feeding first my son and then me

scarfing down what was left

i found myself concerned with the brutal weather

the bitter wind

the frigid storm looming above

thoughts of

what if the truck breaks down

what if my love and i get stranded

what if —

then i stopped, stretched my aching back

and sighed

(holy shit i need to find a job)

(holy shit what am i forgetting)

i wished for more coffee to pour down

my thirsty gullet

but no i’ve had enough

my fucking brain can’t take it

i’m bordering on frantic as it is.

i found myself today being an adult

a husband

a dad

and how sad that it’s so unfamiliar.

forty-one and finally grew up.

goddamn.

—

GJK

16DEC2016

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